I’ve decided to leave my job. I’ve been with my team for seven long years, serving first as a social worker, then as program manager I and now as the supervisor for the last 2.5 years, but yesterday something happened - which really bothered.
The idea of leaving my job has been floating around my head for the last 9 months, I would say. But my love for stability has kept me from leaving - constant thoughts of, *what if the next job is worse? what if I end up hating the work and the people there more than I do here?
But recent events have made me confront a terrible truth - that there’s very little about my job that I love. Yesterday, I got lightly reprimanded from my upper management due to lack of communication. My team was asked back in March to do this canvassing venture for the city. We did it last year, it was very successful but it took it’s toll on the team. Having these huge surveying canvasses amongest the rise of homicides in the summer - was difficult for my team to manange. I decided to combat this by organizing all of the surveying canvasses to take place in April - meaning that my team would finish up with this project months in advance of when it was supposed to be completed - this week July 13th. I got it cleared with upper management and also ran it by the project lead during the one meeting that we had about this intitiative in March - and he agreed.
I organized the canvasses and I had my team finish them out by April 23rd. I submitted the data to EPI - who gave me back a report which I submitted to the data survey that the project lead had sent to me back in April.
I got an email from him at the end of June. Everyone who was involved in the meeting was included. He announced that they wwere approaching their final corridor - which was to be completed during this week. He thanked us - told us when we needed to have the data submitted and then told us about an upcoming press conference.
I read it and moved on - patting myself on the back for having completed work early.
But then I get an email from upper management asking me if I was going out to the corridor on the 13th. I said no, because my team had already completed the canvasses and submitted all of the necessary information. They asked about the invitation. I told them that I hadn’t received an invitation.
I'll sum it all up because I’m getting upset just thinking about it. As soon as I received permission from the project lead during that meeting in March - I should’ve followed up with an email and confirmed it. And apparently I should’ve also emailed the project lead letting them know that the canvasses had been completed, and then emailed and let them know what I had submitted the data, and then reminded them once I got that email in June that my team had already completed the canvasses and data.
It didn’t matter that my team had already did the work and submitted the data ahead of time. It mattered that I hadn’t overcommunicated with them.
Although the situation was taken care of. My immediate upper management, my director and chief administrator, supported me and had my back - I left the entire situation feeling so icky. I think normally, if I loved my job, this would’ve still upset me and I would’ve easily came back with the understanding, ok, this is a learning lesson - I have the lesson - lets move on.
But lately with this job - I’m not able to move on as fast as I used to. I’m upset constantly - and I know this could be the grief. The first three months are the roughest. And I know that I’m not supposed to make any life-altering changes in my life after losing someone for the first year, but I can’t take this.
I got back to my office and sat and thought about what parts of my job that I truly loved and what parts that I didn’t.
LOVE
- Working on projects
- Figuring out processes like the coalition membership tier, membership sign up, creating pathways
- Creating policy’s
- Writing reports and making presentations
- Meeting with partners and strategizing
- Managing my team’s grant budget
- Leading the coalition meeting
- Corking with the steering and wisdom committee
HATE
- Managing a team
- Team drama
- Managing other people’s projects
- Working a social worker
- Corking in a field focused on crisis driven work
- Community outreach
- Canvassing
- Burnout
- Coming up with a great plan to prevent team burnout from canvassing, and then being told that I can’t do it next year, despite it’s success, because of miscommunication issues.
- My division
- The messiness of my upper management
- Resolving conflict between adults constantly
- Underhandedness - having staff go behind my back to upper management.
- Not being able to put my trust in upper management.
- Feeling stuck and powerless.
I checked the job posting site - and I found a position that would be great for me - management but not managing people. Managing grants, budgets, and projects. This is great!!! The application deadling is July 22nd - I’m going to try to apply by thursday, July 16th. I’m literally so excited. I really hope I get an interview and I hope they hire me. I was thinking about pay. I would be so happy with making $3-$5 more.
Once I saw that position - I felt so alive and hopeful. If I get offered an interview - I’ll probably call my aunt and ask her about what she knows about this department. Try to get some insider information. God, I’m so fucking excited. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m ready to leave. I’m ready to go. And even if it doesn’t work out in the new position, I work for a big organization - there’s a million and 1 different positions. I have 23 more years until I can collect my pension, I will bounce around until I find the position best for me.
Olivia